The State of Gross

My fellow scoundrels, it is my pleasure to inform you that the State of Gross is once again strong and prosperous. For every gym motivation or ketogenic diet Instagram post, there is a person struggling to find the motivation to take out the garbage or treating themselves to plate of nachos for their birthday.

It’s true that we have taken an extended hiatus. However, I would like to assure you that most of the time was spent playing video games, picking our noses and trying out the revamped value menus at various fast food establishments. Our passion for embracing our foibles has never been stronger.

We hope that once again we can provide a few laughs and bring nuanced discussion to the otherwise ignored corners of life.

You may have noticed that content from the original site is now gone. We would like to make a convenient excuse, like we want a fresh start, but that’s simply not true. The real reasons are a lack of forward thinking, a lack of technical knowledge, and generally being too cheap to pay someone who might be able to fix it.

But, hell, that’s us. We suck. We’re gross. And we embrace that. And we hope you will too.

It’s good to be back.

(Stand and Applaud)

$1 Nacho Fries

Taco Bell, stop drilling. You’ve struck oil. You don’t need to put that handsome son-of-a-bitch Josh Duhamel in an ad campaign to get me to try $1 nacho fries. The price is definitely right. You have an incredibly strong track record of innovation. And most importantly: I’m a fat piece of crap who loves cheese fries.

New study shows people have no idea how to be funny while inhaling helium

An independent study conducted this New Year's Eve found that a striking majority of humans just don't have what it takes to make people laugh when thrust onto the stage of saying something funny while having a higher-than-normal voice.
Researchers from Northwestern University recorded 150 hours of conversation at 32 different imgross-sponsored New Year's Eve parties to study why people often fumble over their words when inhaling helium from balloons.  According to the results, 97% of adult humans can not make a group of people laugh when doing so.  Subjects generally tend to get distracted by the euphoria of having a high voice (or just the event they are attending as a whole) and they forget to think about what actual words will be coming out of their mouths in the coming moments.  A microcosm of common human behavior, they simply forget to think ahead.
"Panic sets in, and they revert to well-known songs or xmas carols, references to television's Alvin & The Chipmunks, and some just say, 'Hi!' then laugh.  That is the worst." says Dr. Marie Davidson of NU who led research on the study.  "Composure is key.  Most people aren't funny to begin with and that, coupled with the added pressure of a self-imposed spotlight during a time when not enough oxygen gets to the brain makes for some pretty unfunny and awkward babbling."
The funny 3% entertained parties at all times of the night with helium-based jokes ranging from alt-fart humor to bluegrass covers and included a once in a lifetime coked up/helium-voiced verbatim interpretation of Cuba Gooding Jr.'s Oscar acceptance speech at the 69th annual Academy Awards by imgross ceo Scott.
The study's full findings will be published sometime later this year.
Some suggestions for what to say while inhaling helium in the meantime, from the imgross staff:
"Say, 'Oh my god is this truth helium?! I have AIDS!"- Phatphucker
"Smashmouth's 'Walkin' on the Sun in more of a poem form." - alec
"The Pledge of Allegiance.  Louder." - Brohan
"Recite Nick Cage's famous 'Glass or plastic!? Glass or plastic!?!?' scene from The Rock" - Webmaster Phelps
"Shakespeare's Sonnet 30." - The Ghost of Senator Robert Bryd
"Just do your best Justin Hawkins impression." - Adam
"Who caaares?  Go Pats!" - Myles Kennefick
" my butthole (pulls pants down and presents own butthole for display)." - ceo Scott

Get Off My Plane

To the woman who tried to take an “emotional support” peacock onto an airplane today: Fuck you.  If you are so damaged that you require the companionship of a such a majestic animal, then you are not emotionally equipped to fly next to me.  I don’t need a brightly colored fowl spreading his wings and knocking over my tomato juice while I’m trying to peacefully watch ‘MacGruber’ on my tablet in 12A.