Vladimir Putin won an overwhelming victory yesterday by taking 76% of the vote in the Russian Presidential election. The victory means that Putin will be either Head of Government (Prime Minister 2008-2012) or Head of State ( President 2000-2008, 2012-2024) of the Russian government for 24 straight years. While Americans may frown upon this, two things are worth noting:
- At 76%, they have a clear consensus.
- At least they held the election on a Sunday, so everyone who wanted to pledge their allegiance to President Putin wouldn’t have to miss work.
Please don’t hack us, Comrades!
St. Patrick’s Day has come and gone for another year, and local man Sean Harrington, 28, can’t help but wonder if he did it right. “It only falls on an actual Saturday every handful of years, so you gotta make sure you do it right,” he said. He spent the morning eating powder eggs and cheap domestic beer, dyed green, and then made his way on an alcohol fueled, haphazard pub crawl.
“I lost most of my friends by about 1 or 2 PM,” Harrington vaguely recalled. “My last clear memory is of doing a car bomb and then pissing in an alley. It’s like I vaguely recall puking, I think I saw some boobs, and I definitely pissed myself when I passed out on my couch, but was it enough?”
Was it enough, indeed. The question will plague Harrington until 2029, the next time St. Patrick’s Day will fall on a Saturday.