Remember when “Stone Cold” Steve Austin was banging Debra McMichael during the WWE’s “Attitude Era” of professional wrestling?
You know who does remember? Debra’s ex-husband, Steve “Mango” McMichael, former 1985 Chicago Bears Super Bowl Champion,Ex-Profession Wrestler, and Meatball.
This Thursday is for Lovers reminds me of the time my Dad went to a bar in the Chicago suburbs where Steve McMichael was doing an autograph signing (Meatball) and my Dad’s buddy “Snotty” kept calling the bar and asking them to “Please page Steve Austin” over and over again.
And when the bar would page “Steve Austin” over the intercom, McMichael would look around like an asshole
Frank Stallone is on the hot seat for calling David Hogg, Parkland High School shooting survivor and activist, a “rich little bitch” and a “pussy” on Saturday 3/31. Frank, an avid gun owner, does not agree with Hogg’s anti-gun positions.
Which admittedly is hilarious coming from Frank Stallone, the guy who plays a hobo singing around a fire-lit trash can in the movie “Rocky.”
But obviously, pretty harsh, especially directed towards a high schooler. Pick on someone your own size, right?
Although sucker punching a high school kid in the face does sound like fun….anyways back on track….
The only reason I really know about Frank Stallone, other than being Sly’s brother and a guy I use to prank call in college when I got his phone number from a radio station employee, is that Norm McDonald use to always blame stuff on him on SNL in the 90’s (Also Hilarious).
However, this is hardly out of the ordinary for Frank. Sly Stallone’s little brother isn’t afraid to speak his mind. Just check his Twitter account @Stallone. Frank Stallone issued an apology the next day, but no one really cares about that.
We all know Frank does think David Hogg is “a pussy,” and his apology is most likely insincere and just damage control.
But that’s kind of where we are at as a country. Frank Stallones and David Hoggs.
Who can forget when Pop-Punk and tattoos attracted Lizzie McGuire? Nobody that’s who.
I’ve been on a Wimpy Diet lately.
Not like weak “I can’t lift this” wimpy, but like Wimpy from Popeye, Wimpy.
Like I am only eating burgers.
My food pyramid consist of ground beef at the top, and whatever the fuck else comes on my burger at the bottom.
I’ve been familiar with these burgers in the last week:
Wendy’s – Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger aka JBC (2)
McDonald’s – McDouble (Add Mac Sauce) (2)
Chili’s – Bacon Smokehouse Burger
Lion Head Pub, Chicago – Grilled Cheese Cheese Burger
And to top it off, because I am committed to this diet, I had ALDI TACO NIGHT last night.
1. Grocery bagger at Jewel
2. Truck driver at Disney World’s Animal Kingdom “Kilimanjaro Safari”
3. WWE Referee
4. Bassist for Slipknot
5. Hookah Tycoon
Deion Sanders was sick. He was absolutely one of the most disgusting athletes of all time. And by “sick” and “disgusting” I mean “HE WAS FUCKING AWESOME!” I would suggest immediately searching “Deion Sanders Highlights” on your computer, but if you’re anything like me you’ll waste the next 3 hours of your life.
Why don’t they just make cutting boards out of knife sharpening material?
Brohan: hows michigan? aghh! 11:13AM
Jimbo: It’s good
Brohan: are you smokin hookahs? weed? Your dick?
Jimbo: Lots of weed
Jimbo: There’s nothing fishin
Jimbo: I meant nothing fishy about that
Brohan: are you high right now?
Jimbo: Yeah I am
Jimbo: Had my first wake and bake then smoked right out the shower
Brohan: who do you think you are? Jim Morrison?
Jimbo: Yeah maybe I am. You should’ve seen me Friday and Saturday. I had more than 20 one hitters both days
Brohan: so youre better than me? agh!
Jimbo: This weekend I am the rest of the year you are
Brohan: ass and titties jimbo agh!
Jimbo: T&A T&A. Agh agh agh agh whooooooooooo 12:20PM
Former White Sox All-Star pitcher, Estaban Loaiza, was arrested for possession of 44lbs of Cocaine at his home in San Diego. Loiaza grew up in neighboring Tijuana, Mexico.
Police obtained a search warrant for Loaiza’s home when they found a sophisticated secret compartment inside of his car when he was pulled over for a minor traffic stop.
Wait, what the fuck? Estaban Loaiza?
I always remembered him as the balding, composed, White Sox pitcher who had a 20+ win season in 2003.
And now he’s moving in on El Chapo’s territory?
Loaiza earned north of $40 Million during his playing career.
Ah, hey buddy?…did ah…you not invest well?
Jesus Christ, did you piss all the $$ away?
Or are you just a thrill seeker who likes to smuggle blow across the Mexican border and then watch The Fast and The Furious when you get home?
And 44lbs? Ah…intent to sell much?
FORTY-FOUR, FUCK ME. Even if you’re having Scarface-esc cocaine parties you’d still have 41lbs left at the end of the night (morning).
We’ll, at least this does add some edginess to you.
Actually, when I really think about it, you’re kind of cooler now.
Secret fat guys, You know who you are…..
You’re the guy who has let himself go a little post high school/college (when you were in shape) all the while, you have maintained the appearance of an “average sized person”
You also have kept the appearance of a “skinny face,” possibly using some form of deception (Chin-Strap Beard) and the nacho and beer weight that has missed your face has been converted to ass fat and belly jiggles
You hide your man-boobs and love handles with well placed jacket, hoodie, or button up shirt
You’ve made the conversion from XL to XXL
Your friends don’t find out that you’re “that fat” until they see you up on a ladder with your gut hanging out
Secret fat guys…..you’re not fooling anyone….or are you?