Secret Fat Guy

secret fat guy shirt
Secret fat guys, You know who you are…..
You’re the guy who has let himself go a little post high school/college (when you were in shape) all the while, you have maintained the appearance of an “average sized person”
You also have kept the appearance of a “skinny face,” possibly using some form of deception (Chin-Strap Beard) and the nacho and beer weight that has missed your face has been converted to ass fat and belly jiggles
You hide your man-boobs and love handles with well placed jacket, hoodie, or button up shirt

You’ve made the conversion from XL to XXL

Your friends don’t find out that you’re “that fat” until they see you up on a ladder with your gut hanging out

Secret fat guys…..you’re not fooling anyone….or are you?
-Brohan

Burger King Soda Fountain “Drink Recipes” a Sham

Who is in charge of creating “Drink Recipes” for Burger King?  What a joke.  Let’s break down these brilliant ideas…

Half & Half
 
1/2 Coke 1/2 Diet Coke is the laziest suggestion on here.  If consumers can’t figure this one out for themselves they need to die a quicker death. Think needle-drugs, not 2 for 1 Original Chicken sandwiches.  Extra negative points for not giving credit to Jack Black for this “new drink” when he mentioned it in 2001’s Tenacious D album on track 19 (Drive-Thru).  F+   Click.
Black & White
 
The fact that the “white” part of this drink is illustrated in green should alone have disqualified it from making this list.  Not to mention the fact that it already has a name.  Bar/Restaurant Ginger Ale.  Terrible.
Four Way
 
This one is a blatant rip off every 6-year-old knows as A Tornado.  You’re better off telling people to “just mix everything together” instead of having them understand fractions.  (Not to mention that the name is sexually suggestive and without fail always tastes like shit)
 
 
Black Gold
 
If you’re cutting Dr. Pepper with anything, it should be Southern Comfort, however in this case Black Gold fails because Dr. Pepper is basically perfect as a soda pop and shouldn’t be fucked with. I’ll stick with a good old original.
Dr. Pepper over a lot of ice.

Get Off My Plane

To the woman who tried to take an “emotional support” peacock onto an airplane today: Fuck you.  If you are so damaged that you require the companionship of a such a majestic animal, then you are not emotionally equipped to fly next to me.  I don’t need a brightly colored fowl spreading his wings and knocking over my tomato juice while I’m trying to peacefully watch ‘MacGruber’ on my tablet in 12A.