Great Moments in Dick Move History: Rudy Ruettiger

For those unfamiliar, a “Dick Move” is something done by an individual or group that is purposefully and knowingly hurtful yet can be appreciated for its craftsmanship and deft placement.  Usually there is a sinister back story to it all, but that is secondary.  The term comes from the pejorative word for mens’ genitalia, and ‘move’, a verb.

Note: Identification of a Dick Move is not an endorsement or disapproval of the action, merely an acknowledgement that a Dick Move has taken place.

In this edition, we look at the 2nd Act of the film Rudy, a bio-pic of Daniel “Rudy” Ruettiger- a long shot to play football at Notre Dame who perseveres despite significant self vs. self and self vs. world obstacles.

At this point in the story, Rudy has made the team and during practice spots a woman who kicked him off the boosters club previously for not being an actual ND student (he was attending Holy Cross Junior College at the time).  Seizing his opportunity to project animosity from years of successive doubters onto this one particular female undergrad now that he had leveraged some form of social currency, Ruettiger runs over to her on the sideline and asks a rhetorical, “Don’t I know you?”.

Really nice deployment of a passive-aggressive time-bomb meant to explode in the face of a representative of the bureaucracy and culture that doubted him all these years.  What satisfaction he must have had, running back to clang his body into other human beings, at the behest of a barking coach, in Indiana, that Tuesday night.

Pitch Meeting: ‘Premium Rush’

In my mind, this is how the pitch meeting went down for the 2012 film ‘Premium Rush’.

Executive #1: I’d really like to do something with Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Executive #2: I love JGL

Producer: Heck yeah. But let’s do something new and exciting. What’s hot right now?

Executive #1: Human trafficking.

Executive #2: Definitely. And flash mobs.

Producer: I like where this is going.

Writer: Well, I have a screenplay about a bike messenger who went to law school but never took the bar exam because he loves the thrill of delivering packages.

Producer: Can he be simultaneously outwitting a corrupt police detective and helping a Chinese woman get her family to the States via human trafficking?

Executive #1: Yes! The Chinese woman can be his girlfriend’s roommate and she’s really disappointed he never took that bar exam.

Executive #2: I’m seeing a LOT of action in this one. This will be for bike messengers what Indiana Jones was for college professors! But what about the flash mob?

Writer: I guess he could make his final escape via a giant flash mob created by the bike messenger dispatcher you originally didn’t like that much but then redeems himself in the closing action.

Executive #1: I think we have a movie gentlemen. Finally, we have a film that will make bike messengers even more bold while weaving recklessly through the dense pedestrian and vehicle traffic of America’s major city downtown areas.

Executive #2: Judy, can we get Joe Gordon-Levitt’s agent on the line?

Worst Movie of all Time Nominee #71: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure sucks so bad I don’t know where to begin.

 

Fifteen years (1989/2004) after the original, Randy Quaid is back playing Cousin Eddie although you can barely tell. Its like his soul fled up to Canada to escape the “Hollywood Killers” and his sweaty, bloated body stayed back in L.A. to do this piece of shit.

The terrible plot revolves around Cousin Eddie getting fired from his job at a nuclear facility then getting bitten on the ass by his coworker (a monkey) before he leaves. Too stupid to realize he should sue, he accepts an all-expense-paid-vacation to the South Pacific for him and his family as severance. Crazy/grumpy Uncle Nick (Ed Asner) provides relief from the comedy with his courtship of attractive female tour guides and jokes about crapping. Cousin Audrey joins the clan as National Lampoon makes us endure the “Audrey just broke up with her boyfriend and will never love again” routine while Eric Idle cameos as the “English guy who gets accidentally beat up a lot” for yet another vacation. At some point, the entire family is shipwrecked on a remote island but they don’t let that ruin their Christmas! Cousin Eddie and the family survive after making drinking cups out of coconuts and clothes out of palm tree leaves!

Holy hell is this movie terrible. I think it was a Made-For-TV movie and then TV was like, “Nah, we don’t want it.” I kept thinking an ABC watermark should be in the corner of the screen. Pretty sure they made Randy Quaid do all his own stunts, too. He’s gotta be lower on the food chain than Hollywood stuntmen.

Don’tsee this movie. It’s not, “so bad its good” no matter how high you are.

Fred Willard co-stars.