1. Wearing North Face jackets
2. Asking for “a free cup for water” at fast food restaurants
3. Cheering ridiculously intense for their college alma mater’s sports teams
4. Wearing straight brim hats with stickers on them
5. Having “5 O’ Clock Shadow Beards” everyday of their lives. Or as Alec would say “George Michael Beard.”
The news that legendary actor Tom Hanks would be playing Fred Rogers in a biopic about the esteemed host of ‘Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood’ reminded me of something.
Do you remember when we were kids and there was a rumor that Mr. Rogers was an insane Vietnam Vet who had killed hundreds of people in the war and was covered in tattoos? That’s why he had to wear the sweaters.
Well, it turns out it’s not true. Or at least Wikipedia says it’s not. The fucking internet strikes again and ruins a perfectly good urban legend.
With the advent of an app that will drop booze at your door step, society is officially crumbling. At this point, I can’t really see any reason to leave the house.
GrubHub brings your food, Peapod brings your groceries, FedEx brings your toys, Drizly brings your booze and Amazon will bring you all those things via drone within two days.
Sometimes I think of George Washington going back to Mt. Vernon after a long day of arguing about the British and their tyranny, trying to convince his fellow Patriots to declare independence. Then he gets his sushi 40 minutes later and thinks, “Eh, fuck it, the British aren’t so bad.”
I prefer my restauranteurs to be fat, Italian, and unashamed of their hair loss problems in addition to providing the freshest ingredients.