This Day in History: The First Issue of The New Yorker

The New Yorker

On this date in 1925, The New Yorker published its first issue.  I don’t know that I’ve ever bought an issue, but I have read some of the stuff that has been made available to me gratis.  Most of the stuff I don’t really understand and the stuff I do understand I find to be pretentious.  At least I think it’s pretentious if I actually do understand it.  I guess it’s not really targeted to the likes of me.  I was once reading out loud in an AP History class in high school that was probably over my head and pronounced the word “Hitherto” as “High-There-Toe.”  All those bastards who laughed at me are probably chuckling at a New Yorker cartoon right now.

 

Author’s Note:  I misspelled pretentious in two different fashions while drafting this piece.  Look for a Mnemonic Spelling to come!

Happy President’s Day

Today, we honor all of our President’s, but none more than William Howard Taft.  His legacy is truly an inspiration to us all here at imgross.  He is the only person in United States history to hold the office of both President and Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.  On top of that, he tipped the scales at over 350 lbs and allegedly once got his ass stuck in a bathtub.  And all that before Taco Bell was founded!

The Struggle with Laundry

For some people, seeing things through to the end can be difficult.  The process start to finish for doing laundry is sometimes where this attribute becomes most evident.  The process includes multiple steps:

1. Sorting

We’re gross, so we don’t give a shit about putting our dirty undies in with the good linens, but we heard some people do it.

2. Wash cycle

Throw it in.  Detergent needed.  Fabric softener optional.  Settings are dealer’s choice.

3. The change over to the dryer

A real key to the entire operation.  Don’t let it sit in the washing machine too long after it’s done because if you do, your entire laundry room will smell like a dirty hobo on a rainy day.

4. Fold and categorize

I’m terrible at folding.  I wish I had worked at Hollister in high school like my brother.

5.  Put it away

Putting the clothes back in the drawer is really the part where I struggle.  I know I could put these poorly folded items back in their proper place, but it is just so much easier to dig through the pile as items become necessary.

Let’s be honest, the crap you should give to The Salvation Army is in the drawers for a reason. Look, my Ultimate Warrior shirt is right on top of the pile!  I don’t care that I wore it yesterday.  I know it’s clean.

 

 

Thursday is for Lovers: Chuck Finley and Tawny Kitaen

The 5 year marriage between Chuck and Tawny that lasted from 1997-2002, ended abruptly when she beat the shit out of him with a stiletto heel.  Later during the divorce, she accused him of taking steroids and bragging about beating MLB’s drug testing (Who didn’t, right?) and also accused him of abusing drugs and alcohol.  Chuck, however, took the high road and responded by saying, “I can’t believe she left out the crossdressing.”

Pitchers and Catchers Report to Camp

Pitcher and Catcher are reporting to camps throughout Major League Spring Training today, and imgross has a bold prediction for this year’s AL Cy Young Award Winner:

 

 

 

You guessed it,

 

 

 

 

 

Bartolo Colon!  Sure he’s in Texas Rangers camp on a minor league deal, but we got a feeling about this kid.  If nothing else he’s winning a Grossy this year for Largest Jowls on a Pitcher over 40.

Thursday is for Lovers: Roberto Alomar and Maripily Rivera

Today we honor the brief dalliance between Hall of Fame Second Baseman Roberto Alomar and model Maripily Rivera.

The quick highlights from their love affair:

  • She vehemently defended Alomar in 2009 when an ex-girlfriend accused him of knowingly infecting her with HIV.
  • A year later in divorce proceedings, Maripily accused him of the same thing!*
  • It’s too bad they didn’t make it, because based on her physique I think they could have had one hell of a power hitter.

*IMPORTANT NOTE: No conclusive proof exist that Alomar has HIV

And happy belated birthday to Robbie!  He turned 50 on Monday!