Picking Up at O’Hare

When you’re picking up somebody at the airport, don’t act like you’re in a scene from a romantic comedy.  Don’t get out and give them a big hug and kiss and put your flashers on.  Don’t sit there in the second lane and ask how the food was in ___________.  If you can actually keep the wheels moving on the vechicle, pop the trunk and have your transportee take a runner into the passenger seat like you’re pulling a bank job, it’s best for everyone.

Brad Marchand Way Out Does Lance Stephenson

Marchand licks Komarov

Boston Bruins Forward Brad Marchand was put on  notice by the NHL League Office today after two separate incidents where he licked opponents.  Yeah, that’s right.  In the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, Marchand licked  Toronto Maple Leafs forward Leo Komarov.  And on Friday night, he did the same thing to Tampa Bay Lightning Forward forward Ryan Callahan.  Talk about history will be made.


Check out the 1:03 mark, or just let the whole thing play if you want to see a couple of good hits.


That definitely makes Lance Stephenson blowing into LeBron’s ear look far less intimate.

Bryant Takes a Fastball to the Dome

There’s a lot going on here:

  1. Cubs color commentator Jim Deshaies reacts with a highly appropriate, “Oh shit!”
  2. Bryant is unfortunately one of the few guys not wearing the ”Phantom of the Opera” batting helmet.
  3. Bryant’s helmet cartoonishly spins around one full rotation, stays on his head and finishes almost perfectly in the forward facing position
  4. He never leaves his feet.  If I took a 96 MPH fastball to the coconut, I’m making them carry me out of there like Maximus at the end of “Gladiator”.

This Day in History: Death of President William Henry Harrison

William Henry Harrison

On this day in 1841, President WIlliam Henry Harrsion died after just one month in office.  His doctor at the time believed he died of pneumonia.  The prevailing rumor for most of history since was that he became sick after refusing to wear a jacket on his cold, rainy inauguration day on March 4, 1841.  This has since been rejected by historians, as he is not documented to have shown symptoms until March 26.  I can’t believe the remedies of the day like Castor Oil, Virginia Snakeweed and leeches weren’t able to cure him.

In 2014, after examining the notes of his personal doctor, a new theory has been widely accepted:  Harrison died because the White House water supply was downstream from the public sewage system and he succumbed to septic shock.  In other words, he drank the shit in the water in Washington D.C.  Now that’s gross.