I was going to write something about how Bezos’ head is always completely shorn in photographs and it creeps me out, but then I saw this picture. Dude looks like an action hero. Or at least JK Simmons. I guess if I had $100 Billion, I would want to get in really good shape so I could live longer and try to spend it all on comic books and candy.
I’m really starting to miss when the easiest part of video games was also the most fun. Shoot a buffalo that moves across the screen at a frame per second: 100 lbs to feed your family. Shoot a rabbit that is 1/20th the size that moves across the screen at 20 frames per second: You’re going to die out here.
Also, with all the wagon tongues I’ve been fixing, I should be getting more jacked, and thus able to carry at least 20 more pounds of buffalo meat. 120 lbs should get us to Walla Walla.
I’ve been driving for nearly 20 years and I still have not mastered the Intermittent wiper settings. Always either too fast or too slow. I just can’t do it. I feel bad when I have passenger in the car and it’s lightly misting. They must be in constant fear that I can’t see or I’m too distracted trying to locate the correct setting on the dial. Or they’re just annoyed with the sound of wipers scraping the dry windshield.
With the advent of an app that will drop booze at your door step, society is officially crumbling. At this point, I can’t really see any reason to leave the house.
GrubHub brings your food, Peapod brings your groceries, FedEx brings your toys, Drizly brings your booze and Amazon will bring you all those things via drone within two days.
Sometimes I think of George Washington going back to Mt. Vernon after a long day of arguing about the British and their tyranny, trying to convince his fellow Patriots to declare independence. Then he gets his sushi 40 minutes later and thinks, “Eh, fuck it, the British aren’t so bad.”