Betting on the Wrong Horse

The scenario pops up quite frequently.  You’re going to grab some cash at the local bank and both of the lobby ATMs are occupied.  There’s no chance you’re going to go talk to a human, so going to the guy or gal behind the bulletproof glass is out of the question.  You can try to employ the “split the difference” method and stand in a position where you’re kind of in both lines, but eventually you’ll feel someone approaching from behind.  This will force your hand to make a decision.  There are several factors to consider at this point when choosing which line:

  • What phase of the transaction are each of the ATM users at?  Seeing a receipt coming out of the machine has a high correlation with the transaction being over.  However, sometimes people like to make deposits and withdrawals at the same time.  Seems like robbing Peter to pay Peter to me.
  • Does one of these people look like the kind of asshole that doesn’t have direct deposit?  Or worse, is it a kid with a stack of checks from his High School graduation party?
  • Who looks more technical, and thus less likely to struggle with the prompts from the ATM, even though they haven’t changed much since the ATM was invented?
  • Is one of them doing a “poo-poo pee-pee” dance, indicating they have to find a toilet?  Not crapping your pants in public should really be the base of the pyramid in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

The situation is so fluid and dynamic that many other factors are worth considering as well, but ultimately, you know you’ll choose the wrong line.  Then, the person that creeped up behind you earlier will hold a silent celebration as they type in their PIN number, knowing they’ve beat you in the game of life.

The Struggle with Laundry

For some people, seeing things through to the end can be difficult.  The process start to finish for doing laundry is sometimes where this attribute becomes most evident.  The process includes multiple steps:

1. Sorting

We’re gross, so we don’t give a shit about putting our dirty undies in with the good linens, but we heard some people do it.

2. Wash cycle

Throw it in.  Detergent needed.  Fabric softener optional.  Settings are dealer’s choice.

3. The change over to the dryer

A real key to the entire operation.  Don’t let it sit in the washing machine too long after it’s done because if you do, your entire laundry room will smell like a dirty hobo on a rainy day.

4. Fold and categorize

I’m terrible at folding.  I wish I had worked at Hollister in high school like my brother.

5.  Put it away

Putting the clothes back in the drawer is really the part where I struggle.  I know I could put these poorly folded items back in their proper place, but it is just so much easier to dig through the pile as items become necessary.

Let’s be honest, the crap you should give to The Salvation Army is in the drawers for a reason. Look, my Ultimate Warrior shirt is right on top of the pile!  I don’t care that I wore it yesterday.  I know it’s clean.