New study shows people have no idea how to be funny while inhaling helium

An independent study conducted this New Year's Eve found that a striking majority of humans just don't have what it takes to make people laugh when thrust onto the stage of saying something funny while having a higher-than-normal voice.
 
Researchers from Northwestern University recorded 150 hours of conversation at 32 different imgross-sponsored New Year's Eve parties to study why people often fumble over their words when inhaling helium from balloons.  According to the results, 97% of adult humans can not make a group of people laugh when doing so.  Subjects generally tend to get distracted by the euphoria of having a high voice (or just the event they are attending as a whole) and they forget to think about what actual words will be coming out of their mouths in the coming moments.  A microcosm of common human behavior, they simply forget to think ahead.
 
"Panic sets in, and they revert to well-known songs or xmas carols, references to television's Alvin & The Chipmunks, and some just say, 'Hi!' then laugh.  That is the worst." says Dr. Marie Davidson of NU who led research on the study.  "Composure is key.  Most people aren't funny to begin with and that, coupled with the added pressure of a self-imposed spotlight during a time when not enough oxygen gets to the brain makes for some pretty unfunny and awkward babbling."
 
The funny 3% entertained parties at all times of the night with helium-based jokes ranging from alt-fart humor to bluegrass covers and included a once in a lifetime coked up/helium-voiced verbatim interpretation of Cuba Gooding Jr.'s Oscar acceptance speech at the 69th annual Academy Awards by imgross ceo Scott.
 
The study's full findings will be published sometime later this year.
 
Some suggestions for what to say while inhaling helium in the meantime, from the imgross staff:
 
"Say, 'Oh my god is this truth helium?! I have AIDS!"- Phatphucker
"Smashmouth's 'Walkin' on the Sun in more of a poem form." - alec
"The Pledge of Allegiance.  Louder." - Brohan
"Recite Nick Cage's famous 'Glass or plastic!? Glass or plastic!?!?' scene from The Rock" - Webmaster Phelps
"Shakespeare's Sonnet 30." - The Ghost of Senator Robert Bryd
"Just do your best Justin Hawkins impression." - Adam
"Who caaares?  Go Pats!" - Myles Kennefick
"This...is my butthole (pulls pants down and presents own butthole for display)." - ceo Scott

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