Who is in charge of creating “Drink Recipes” for Burger King? What a joke. Let’s break down these brilliant ideas…
Half & Half
1/2 Coke 1/2 Diet Coke is the laziest suggestion on here. If consumers can’t figure this one out for themselves they need to die a quicker death. Think needle-drugs, not 2 for 1 Original Chicken sandwiches. Extra negative points for not giving credit to Jack Black for this “new drink” when he mentioned it in 2001’s Tenacious D album on track 19 (Drive-Thru). F+ Click.
Black & White
The fact that the “white” part of this drink is illustrated in green should alone have disqualified it from making this list. Not to mention the fact that it already has a name. Bar/Restaurant Ginger Ale. Terrible.
This one is a blatant rip off every 6-year-old knows as A Tornado. You’re better off telling people to “just mix everything together” instead of having them understand fractions. (Not to mention that the name is sexually suggestive and without fail always tastes like shit)
If you’re cutting Dr. Pepper with anything, it should be Southern Comfort, however in this case Black Gold fails because Dr. Pepper is basically perfect as a soda pop and shouldn’t be fucked with. I’ll stick with a good old original.
Dr. Pepper over a lot of ice.
Today we honor the brief dalliance between Hall of Fame Second Baseman Roberto Alomar and model Maripily Rivera.
The quick highlights from their love affair:
- She vehemently defended Alomar in 2009 when an ex-girlfriend accused him of knowingly infecting her with HIV.
- A year later in divorce proceedings, Maripily accused him of the same thing!*
- It’s too bad they didn’t make it, because based on her physique I think they could have had one hell of a power hitter.
*IMPORTANT NOTE: No conclusive proof exist that Alomar has HIV
And happy belated birthday to Robbie! He turned 50 on Monday!
I’d like to see the alternate version of this ad where the graphic is an old-timey shoemaker suffering through the scrubbing out of some dumb bitch’s gross Uggs.
This looks like a middle finger.
Ba da ba ba ba…
The Bambino was born on this day in 1895. We salute his legendary commitment to being gross and his obvious aptitude for boner jokes.
The news that legendary actor Tom Hanks would be playing Fred Rogers in a biopic about the esteemed host of ‘Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood’ reminded me of something.
Do you remember when we were kids and there was a rumor that Mr. Rogers was an insane Vietnam Vet who had killed hundreds of people in the war and was covered in tattoos? That’s why he had to wear the sweaters.
Well, it turns out it’s not true. Or at least Wikipedia says it’s not. The fucking internet strikes again and ruins a perfectly good urban legend.
Did anyone doubt her sanity while sporting a haircut 30 years too late? Jesus, she looks like everyone’s aunt who was born in 1946.
With the advent of an app that will drop booze at your door step, society is officially crumbling. At this point, I can’t really see any reason to leave the house.
GrubHub brings your food, Peapod brings your groceries, FedEx brings your toys, Drizly brings your booze and Amazon will bring you all those things via drone within two days.
Sometimes I think of George Washington going back to Mt. Vernon after a long day of arguing about the British and their tyranny, trying to convince his fellow Patriots to declare independence. Then he gets his sushi 40 minutes later and thinks, “Eh, fuck it, the British aren’t so bad.”
1. Bananas- Looks like a dick and is always usually used in health class to demonstrate the proper usage of a condom.
2. Kielbasa Sausage- Looks lick a dick, its name is sausage, kielbasa is fun to say
3. Watermelons- Slang term for tits and kinda looks like huge ones.
4. Pepperoni- Slang term for pronounced nipples.
5. Oysters- considered an aphrodisiac
6. Grapes- Have them fed to you by beautiful women
7. Edible Underwear- I assume most consider this a food, it falls somewhere in the candy category, and especially because I eat it daily.
8. Chicken Breast- obvious
9. Whipped Cream- put it on nipples, make a smiley face, lick it off, do a whip it, whatever
10. Avacados- I hear it makes your penis hard
#54 will always have a special place in my heart. His election to the Pro Football Hall of Fame is well deserved and a justified reward for an exceptional career. Say what you will about his new career as the spokesman for “Restore,” at least he’s not out there trying to sell subtly implied boner pills like Frank Thomas.